A selfish fear

One of my best friends is going on a language course abroad for a few weeks. This is lovely for her it is fun, exciting and she can learn so much and I should be really happy for her, but I can’t help but feel a bit sad about it. She is my best friend and I just have to live without her for a few weeks. You may say “that is not that long” to you I say “I know; it really isn’t”, but I really rely on her (I don’t know if it is the best thing to rely so much on a person, I probably will write something about that in the short future) and I am afraid that I will be lost without her.

It is all really double, I need to be happy for her and excited and talk to her enthusiastically about it, but I am not really. Feeling this feel really selfish, this is not something happening in my life it is happening in hers so I don’t really have the right to feel something about it aside from excitement for her.
I don’t really know how to act on this feeling. I talked about it with her that I was scared, but that was a mistake and it got us in a bit of an argument and of course it did. It is not my place to give my opinion and feel something about it.
I am not a big fan of keeping my feelings to myself. That is most of all based on the fact that my mind gets very crowdie very quickly, so if I don’t talk about it is can really group up. I think I needed to say it different to her, maybe I should have told her without the emotion or maybe I should have kept it to myself or just not share it with her.
I should have given it all a different approach, but now I am left with the question “How can I be excited for her?” and it has a really easy answer that is really hard to implement, just be it. It is all really exciting, so just show her.

I love her and care about her, so I am really excited for her it is only clouded by fear. It sucks for me that she is going and that I have this feeling about it, but I am her friends. I am there to support her.

With love,
Rik.

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