Right now, that’s a stupid but right way to explain how I’m feeling. Because I am feeling like that, feeling stuck in almost every possible way. And I know that may sound a little strange so let me explain. Just take writing as an example. I want to write, I really love it, but right now it just seems like I don’t exactly know what to say. And then you can say, write about your feelings, things that are going trough your mind or things that are happening in your life right now but the problem is that this stupid feeling also has an impact on that particular subject.
Cause it’s the same with feelings. It just feels numb in some kind of way. It’s not that I’m sad or in a bad place right now, but I cannot describe the way I’m feeling as good.
I guess you could just say I’m okay. But that’s where the problem lies. I don’t want to be okay. I want to be more, feel more, and do more. And right now I just cannot fathom how.
Then I start looking at my friends. People who are now living on their own, knowing what they want to do (not all of them, but some) and getting involved in relationships with either each other or other people. And here I am again, the single friend.
And that isn’t always a bad thing, but I just can’t help feeling like all of them are moving on and here I am again, (and here comes that stupid word again) stuck.
And I know it can be easy to just say, or do something about it and I know that I should and probably will in a few days or even hours, but right now it just kind of sucks. And then I started thinking, well if you don’t know anything else to write about, just write about that feeling. Because it’s also a subject I believe some people struggle with, so maybe somebody can identify with it and maybe my ramblings about it can help you.
And trust me, I don’t want to sound like I’m whining because that just isn’t me. Something I’ve learned in my (short) time on this earth is that whining isn’t going to get you anywhere. Sure, you can feel bad about something for a short while but after that you have to move on and find a solution.
So that’s what I’m doing. I’m going to try to write even though I don’t exactly know about what and I’m going to look at the things I do enjoy in life like my friends and music and I’m going to be productive with my schoolwork. Because while I don’t really like the saying fake it till you make it, I still think that sometimes, It can help you move on and get to the point where there is no need for faking anymore.