In this world, our world, we have all kinds of different people. We have loud people & quiet people, energetic people & laid back people, morning people & night people and last but not least people who confront others about what they think and people who like to avoid those confrontations.
And no matter how much I hate it, I kind of fit or at least fitted into the last category. It’s a particular characteristic of mine that I don’t like but at the same time it’s also something that I find very difficult to change.
Not that I think it’s all bad, because in the end you still have to ‘choose your battles’ and not everything is worth an entire fight but you do have to stand up for yourself. And untill a few years ago I was really, really bad at this. Not saying that I’m awesome at it right now, but I’d like to believe I’m getting better, no matter how difficult it can get sometimes.
It wasn’t like I was ever bullied or something, but if you go back the version of me in middle school I almost never said my opinion or contradicted somebody when they said something I didn’t like. I was very, very shy and you could see this in every aspect of the way I acted. And some people would try to change this or ‘help’ by trying to force me to say my opinion, but by doing that they were just making it awkward and making me feel worse. So what I would guess would work the best when you’re trying to get somebody out of their shell is just making sure they feel comfortable, talk to them about what they feel and never just start doing things that you think might help, because you just don’t know their reasons or ways of helping them like they (probably) do.
Right now it’s different though. Cause middle school happened quite some years ago and I’ve changed quite a bit. One of my old friends talked to me a few weeks ago and she kept repeating: “wow, you’ve changed”. And she didn’t just mean in appearance or just generally getting older. And for some weird reason that made me feel really good. Cause while that shy part is still a part of me, I didn’t completely like it. Right now I’m able to say how I feel and to feel comfortable enough to be my slightly sarcastic, unique self with my own opinions, and I love that. I’m still not the most outspoken, confident one around and I still don’t always stand up for myself like I want to or maybe should, but I feel like I’m still growing. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Because we don’t just say “I want to be more confident” and then we’re there. It’s a process where you have to fight for it and where you can sometimes still feel shit, but as I said before, that’s okay. You will have good days and bad days, days where you feel shit about yourself and days where you feel confident and good. And I guess I just want to remind you on the bad days, that you will get there. If I look at the version of me from a few years ago, and the version of me right now, I see a lot of positive changes. And if I can do that, then you can as well.