I am in a part of my life that I have the feeling that I need to grow up in some sorts; Playtime is over and I need to work hard to accomplish my goals. I don’t really mind to growing up in general, I can go to parties, I get to decide my own bed time and I can eat whatever I want (if I have the money for it). The part that is bothering me is looking to the world like an adult, seeing everyone is flawed and accepting that they are, seeing that society is flawed and that there is still so much work to do for it and seeing that it is not all something I can change.
When I was younger I looked at my parents and I was sure that adults know everything, they are selfless and they are component enough to know what is right for the world. Adults were these people who somehow have it all figured out.
Of course this I all just a fantasy and is bound to break. My parents don’t magically never forget to turn on the dishwasher before they go to bed, they make mistakes just like me and everyone. They are not immune to every type of stressed, they are sometimes tense because of work.
I don’t say that I am better in adulting then them, I called them this week for the recipe for pancakes, but they are humans. They are struggling with life the same as I am. The same as I probably will and that scares me so much.
When I was younger I expected that when I got older I got a grip on life. Now I start to see that no one really has that, everyone is just trying.
When I was younger I expected that when I got older I had a clear image of how the future will be. Now I start to see that no one can see the future.
It scares me that I am learning that I am just supposed to try to do good and try to be the best I can be. What if I fail?
People would ask me what I wanted to become when I grow up. I would answer “I want to make robots”
I thought that becoming what I want would be a straight road, now I am walking it I see that is a lot more bendy. Should I be scared? Probably, but that doesn’t mean I should walk it. What if I fail? start over.